Are young Singaporeans afraid of the Chinese New Year?

SINGAPORE — The Chinese New Year This may not always be a day of family bonding for everyone.

Not only is there a lot of relatives to visit but there are also many nosy questions and difficult relatives to avoid. These can adversely impact an individual’s mental or psychological health.

Emmeline, a journalist in the media industry is ready to face this reality. The 32-year old was originally looking forward to visiting relatives this year as it was her first Chinese New Years as a married woman.

She was soon dreading the fact that she had to part ways with her nine-year-old fiance at the end last year.

Emmeline, who didn’t want to reveal her full name out to her family, accepted that she would have to deal with the sensitive questions from her family members and friends at this year’s gathering.

“I’m certain they would like to know why we split up, what happened with the down payment for our wedding venue and all the other things.” She said.

“I hope they get it. I don’t want them (the family) prying into my private life. I fear that if they keep asking me questions, I will experience anxiety attacks during the reunion.

Young people face a stressful time

Health experts say that Chinese New Year festivities can be stressful, especially for those in their 20s and 30-years.

Thoughtfull Chat psychologist Karyenchai stated that the younger generation can sometimes feel triggered by well-intentioned aunties asking when their grandchildren will get married and when they will find a job. They are reminded of all the stressors in their lives.

“When aunties or uncles ask these questions it brings the issues to forefront and it brings awareness to the younger generation,” she said.

Dr Geraldine Tan is a principal psychologist at The Therapy Room. She says that the Gen Z generation is highly individualistic and doesn’t want others to know about their private matters. It is not your business, or to put it another way.

Dr Tan stated that this could cause friction between the minds of the younger and older generations. The “kampong spirit”, where everyone is responsible for their own decisions, encourages everyone to stay together.

Elders don’t have to be evil

Eleanor Ong, a psychotherapist from The Relational Counselling Studio, stated that one can expect questions on everyday topics such as careers and relationships to be raised during the festive season.

“Also, have you got a job?’, How much is the pay increase?’, Why are you single? She explained that these are the same questions older generations would ask.”

She explained that, while it is natural for younger people to be stimulated by intrusive questions they encounter, it is just as important for them understand the motives behind elders.

“I believe this is how older generations understand connecting (with other people).”

Ms. Ong explained that such questions are the elder generation’s way to start and keep conversations with the younger generations.

Ruth Shirley Janarthanam is of Chinese-Indian heritage and has not been questioned about her relationship status during the festive season.

The 28 year-old replied, “My cousin reminded my that my grandmother would not be here for ever.” In a way, I feel that the questions are a small price to be paid for how much they mean.

“The questions are from a place I feel is important for my family and are not something that I can ignore out of fear or anger.”

Keep your nosey relatives away

Experts say there are several ways to deal with intrusive questions at Chinese New Year family gatherings.

Here are four suggestions for dealing with nosy relatives.

1. You must not ignore questions

• It is possible to simply walk away from relatives who ask intrusive questions. But Ms Chai stated that this could come off as rude and not convey the impression that they have crossed your boundary. Instead, you can politely say that you are not comfortable.

2. Spend some time on self-reflection

• Ms Chai suggested that you prepare responses to common questions your relatives may ask during the gathering.

• Ms Chai stated, “For example, if you aunt asks when are you getting married, it is a good idea to respond with humor or wit, such that, ‘I’m waiting to you to introduce you to a partner’.”

3. Sugest other topics

• It is important to be open to speaking to your family members and asking them questions. Ms Chai says you can ask your relatives questions, such as “How is your retirement going?”

4. Relatives who cross your border should be kept at bay

• Dr Tan advised that you don’t need to speak with a relative if you are constantly made to feel low or devalued by them, such as when they harp on your weight. However, you should know it is sensitive and can trigger you.

• They don’t care about making us feel inferior, doubt ourselves and make us feel worse about our self-worth, no matter what we ask. This person is toxic and you should not even talk to them,” she said.

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