Mom of four explains why some men aren’t prepared for modern fatherhood in viral video

The times, they are a-changin’, but unfortunately societal “norms” tend to change a little slower. Gone are the days of stereotypical gender roles where dads are expected to be the breadwinners and moms are expected to take care of the children and home. The modern mother expects her partner to actively participate in parenting and domestic labor, but it’s something not all men are not prepared to take on, even if it’s subconsciously. And sometimes, that disconnect in modern fatherhood can take a toll on a previously happy marriage.

Instagrammer @shesapaigeturner detailed this shift perfectly in a viral video. “Having children is incredibly disruptive to a marriage or relationship,” the mother of four explained in a lengthy reel. “People often blame women for marrying bad guys who are bad dads, when in reality what typically happens is they married really great guys who on paper seemed like they were gonna be really good dads, and then when the kids came it shook it all up and they didn’t pan out. They wanted to be a dad but they didn’t want to have to parent, and that’s typically where the issues arise.”

“Men love the idea of a house and a wife and kids, but they were not prepared for the amount of work that it takes to actually have all those things, and now they’re marrying women who expect equal partnerships,” Paige continues. “A partner who is gonna participate equitably in the home. They’re going to do the domestic labor like dishes and laundry and cleaning and not just the lawn and the oil changes. They are expecting a dad who’s not just gonna come in and give kids a kiss on the head at bedtime but who’s actually going to know the bedtime routine.”

“This is the problem: women expect more now from our male counterparts,” Paige went on. ”We do not just expect them to go to work, come home, and give us a kiss and a smile. We expect them to participate in the house. Also, many of us are now out there in the workforce with them, and so we are looking for equal partners at home.”

Unfortunately, some men just can’t handle this expectation and Paige says that’s one reason why some marriages fail. “The reason this switch happens I think, and it’s so hard, is because society has prepared us women for this shift, but it has not prepared men,” she points out. “It is a ton of work, and they are not prepared, and they did not anticipate us expecting them to participate. And when we do, it is catastrophic to their life, and so I highly encourage you to do the work before kids.”

Of course, this is a generalization and there are lots of dads out there who identify as the default parent or a stay-at-home parent or work in or outside the home while still being present in their children’s lives and helping out with day to day chores. But Paige’s advice rings true no matter what: Discuss what’s important before you have kids, so there aren’t any surprises in your relationship once they arrive. (The kids themselves will give you plenty of surprises of their own!)

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